Thursday, April 04, 2013

[ACD Daily 005] Loving a bisexual

Guests at #SexTalk with Ana Santos
Dear Cuties,

I had a great day! I was with fellow blogger and sexual health advocate Ana Santos, sex columnist of Rappler, in her #SexTalk Google Hang-out to talk about sexuality specifically on homo and bisexuality. 

I arrived at 6 PM at the Rappler office in Ortigas with Dave. I was supposed to be on online patch but then when I knew that Seb Castro (@SebastiansLife) will be there, I changed my schedule (insert fanboy scream).

Anyway I'm writing this Daily to tell you my personal account and experience on being a bisexual male. 

I only came into full acceptance of my sexuality about 3 years ago. This would mean that I have been very comfortable with my sexuality and is not bothered how people see this.

Before I thought I was just weird. Having to like girls and guys while all my gay friends would feel awkward knowing about this. Honestly I started having relationships with men but had occasional attractions with women. Personally I find this weird because no one in my set of friends experience the way I do. I feel different from those whose being considered already "different" by the society.

When I had a girlfriend, by this I mean a real romantic & sexual relations with a woman, many people believed we weren't serious - that I was fooling the woman and that I only wanted to prove to the people my masculinity. Truth be told, I'm not. But certainly, with all the people bugging me about it, I also started to ask myself about this attraction. It may be a phase,  as what they claim, after all.

But during that time, I felt genuine. What I felt was real, what I did was real, I was in love. So who are they to tell me who to love?

I can take all the throwing of shits, but what I cannot take was when they started talking to my girlfriend casting doubt about the authenticity of our relationship. That for me hurt, a lot. Our relationship got stormed with different issues here and there and I started to feel a bit lost. "You can't love a gay guy..." they kept repeating it. 

I have to cut the relationship because I need to transfer to Manila and I'm not that kind of person who lasts in a long-distance relationship. It was painful but somehow I think I'm freeing her from the issues that comes along our 'unthinkable' relationship.

Many still say that bisexuality is not real, is a phase, or is only a letter in the LGBT community - it does not exist. But what was that feeling and attraction I had? A joke?

What I found out about myself is that I get attracted to both sexes, but it does not happen equally at the same time, it may happen simultaneously but certainly one is greater than the other. I don't fall in love with both a man and a woman at the same time. And that with the other bisexuals I met, all of us would feel a bit of an "affinity" or likeness leaning more towards the same or opposite sex. We may be attracted to either or both sexually, physically or emotionally. 

At the end, it boils down to one thing - we are also humans. We love just like any other humans do. And we are hurt just like any other humans do. We believe it is not a phase we are going through and definitely we aren't confused of what we feel. What we feel is real. The way you insist about who we are or who is the person we need to love does not help at all. 

One thing I will not forget about my girlfriend is when she told me that I am more likable than any other man she loved because I am in touch with my feminine side, which a lot of straight guys are at a loss. Bisexual males handle straight relationships better I guess if we use this gauge. We just simply know where to hit the right buttons.

And finally, nothing beats the old school truthfulness. When I started liking the girl, I told her who I am and my sexuality. No pretenses. I may not like the response but I certainly need to be truthful to her before anything else. She still accepted me for who I am. 

For me, loving someone goes beyond his or her sexual orientation or gender identity. You love a person for who he or she is. But of course you may have your own preferences or orientation to whom you get sexually and romantically aroused. At the end of the day, it is about your personal connection, your relationship, to that special someone.

Lastly until now this phrase of her gives me a smile on my face "it is better for you to replace me with a man than with another woman. That would be an insult to me." 

Just in case you missed our #SexTalk earlier, you might want to check out this link:

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